You Look So Perfect
by uhnonniemiss
Summary: Phan oneshot. Dan is directionless, and tired of waking up in the bedrooms of men he met the night before. That is, until he meets Phil, who's philosophy might just give him a new lust for life. Angsty fluff. Contains strong language, sexual themes, and a /very/ brief mention of suicide and drug abuse. Please review to help save small writer from loneliness x


Dan stretched out on the bed, the duvet tangled round his legs. Sunlight filtered through the blinds, turning the room a deep, dusky red, the dust particles glimmering in the air. He glanced at the clock, swearing under his breath. Was he even supposed to stay until the morning? After dozens of times he was still clueless when it came to the big "morning after".

He turned round to look at the face of the man next to him, still in a gentle slumber, his eyelashes casting long shadows down his cheeks. He'd really made a good call last night; the only words that sprang to mind when you looked at him were stupid, frivolous things like _handsome _and _beautiful_. What was his name again- Frank? Felix? Whatever it was, Dan wished he'd been able to get to know him better. That they weren't cursed to a lifetime of awkwardness and "we've already met"s.

Crawling to the end of the bed, Dan started to hunt for his belongings. The room wasn't in the best order, and every third item seemed to be black. _I really need to start wearing brighter colours. _He picked a random shirt off the floor, buttoning it halfway up, and sat on the edge of the mattress. His bare legs could barely feel the cold.

Dan ran a hand through tousled hair, and sighed. This was the fifth strange bedroom this month. Part of him was sick of it, sick of trying to find his way home from the back ends of town, sick of sneaking out before the sun rose, just so, so tired of it all. Of course, a part of him loved the thrill of it- that part of him wasn't too bright, though.

Then, of course, there was a part of him that felt like he deserved this.

He was nineteen years old. Other teenagers were chess champions, book writers, athletes, doctors. They learned languages and music and smiled while they did it. What did he have to show for the first quarter of his life? He'd dropped out of university. Got high. Got laid. Been abandoned by his family. Almost jumped off a bridge but changed his mind. No job, no boyfriend, no future. Nobody could say he deserved anything other than a lifetime of lonely mornings.

Then again, what was a steady job compared to a quick fuck? Dan laughed harshly, not caring if he woke the other man. _Who's the real winner here, world?_

He laid his head in his hands. _I have to stop doing this. This is a stupid ride. I want to get off, please let me get off. _Ironic. Nowadays "getting off" was the only reason he got up in the morning. He stood up, desperate to clear his head. The man had a clunky stereo, a pile of CDs without cases stacked next to it.

Dan absentmindedly turned one of the dials, leaping a foot in the air when a heavy bass line started to play. He swore loudly, desperately trying to turn it off.

"The one on the far left," a voice said behind him, chuckling. Dan hit the switch, and the music cut off. He turned round, bright red. The man was sat up, now, very much awake; his eyes were so much bluer than Dan remembered, a startling azure .

"I'm so sorry," Dan whispered, his toes tracing circles on the floor. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

The man smirked. "I was already awake. I just didn't want to open my eyes. You know you were talking to yourself?"

_Great. God knows what I've said. _"Sorry. Okay. I should… I should probably go…" he glanced at the door.

The man pouted. "You don't have to leave."

"No, no, I think I really should-" Dan shifted on his feet, but the man held up his hands.

"Please! Just… stay there a moment longer, please?" he pleaded.

Dan cleared his throat, tugging at the edge of the shirt. "Um, why?"

"Because you're wearing my clothes. Over underwear. You look _so _hot right now." The man pushed his hair off his forehead. "Sorry, that sounded really creepy, didn't it. I'm Phil, by the way. In case you didn't remember. Good morning."

Dan flushed again, but this time there was a warm feeling accompanying it. "Dan, um, likewise." He looked down at his shirt. "How do you know this is yours?"

Phil snorted. "Go to the mirror."

Dan did, but didn't see anything different until Phil told him to turn around. The word "Bitch" was spelled out in glittering rhinestones. "Ah." Of all the shirts he could have picked up… although, who left that kind of shirt lying around anyway?

"Stag night," Phil said from behind him, the grin evident in his voice. "Looks good on you, maybe you should keep it."

"Shut up," Dan laughed, before he knew what he was saying, turning round.

"Yeah? Why don't you make me." Phil smirked again, holding out his arms. _Fuck it. _Dan got back in the bed, locking his lips with Phil's again. It was even better than last night, now he was free of the alcohol haze, like a dozen gorgeous little deaths.

Phil made a noise of satisfaction. "Last night was really fun," he murmured round the kiss. Dan wanted to press harder against his lips - anything to avoid talking- but it seemed impolite.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, it was, I guess."

Phil pulled back, looking concerned. "Everything alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No," Dan shook his head. "No, I had loads of fun, I'm sorry, I'm just…" he tailed off, but Phil understood.

"Confused about your life? Hating waking up in other people's bedrooms? Directionless?"

Dan hesitated. "Yeah, actually."

"Thought so. Come here." Phil shifted so he held Dan in the crook of his arm, the blankets over their knees. The rhinestones dug into Dan's skin, but they didn't hurt. "I'm guessing… you've had it pretty rough. You haven't found anything you love doing, so you're sleeping around, maybe filling your body with crap, just to fill that void. Except that's just making a bigger void, and the older you get, the bigger and scarier everything becomes. Am I getting close?"

Dan shifted uncomfortably. "A little too close. How did you know?"

"Yeah, I thought so." Phil ran a thumb over Dan's shoulder, a throwaway gesture of comfort. "Partly because I heard you talking to yourself before," Dan blushed again "and partly because I've been there myself."

"Oh, God, not again." Dan rolled his eyes. "Then you found Jesus, or your vocation, or had a near-death experience and decided to turn your life around, and that's what I should do too. Save it."

"Yes, the homosexual, currently half naked man joined a strict church group. I can see why you jumped straight to that. But seriously. What are you, nineteen?" Dan nodded. "When I was nineteen, I felt exactly the same. I screwed random men because they were there, and because I was bored. I thought my whole life was falling apart. Now I have a job, and a flat, and a beautiful boy who woke up beside me." He nudged him.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere." Dan thought for a minute. "Actually, it might get you a few places."

"Consider _that _well and truly noted. But Dan, I really mean it. Nineteen is too early to write anything off, let alone your whole life."

Dan sighed, leaning into Phil's arms and closing his eyes. "But not all of us can pull ourselves out that easily. I feel like I should be changing the world, you know. Making it better."

"And who says that? People? Who likes people?"

"Can't say I'm a fan." A smile played at the edge of Dan's lips.

"You don't have to change the whole world, Dan. That's not your job. Maybe you'll just change a bit of it. Maybe you'll just change one person's world, and I think that counts for quite a lot." He pressed his lips to Dan's hair. "You just have to be brave."

"You make a lot more sense than any of my counsellors." Dan felt odd; alienated and at the same time weirdly comfortable in his own skin. "Phil, can I see you again?" He almost regretted asking, because he never asked, never even thought to ask. He didn't take it back, though.

"I'd like that. I'd like that a lot. There's something kind of fascinating about you, Dan. And I'm not just saying that because the sex was really, really good."

"It was _very_ good," Dan smiled, drawing out his vowels, but turned his head away. "I'm not fascinating, though. I'm not even interesting."

"You are to me. Not every boy could make that shirt look good, I'm telling you." Phil traced a finger along Dan's jaw. "And not every boy sits at the end of a stranger's bed asking himself the questions you were asking." He hesitated. "Do you think you'll be okay?"

Dan thought for a long moment. "I don't know. If you're wondering if you'll need to deliver another speech like that, don't rule it out."

"I won't. Rule it out, that is," Phil smiled. "I hope it helped." Dan kissed his cheek.

"It did, I think. Thank you. Hey, you know what else would help? If we got coffee."

Phil looked surprised, pleasantly so. "Like, a date? You're asking me on a date? Sorry, I just... Boys don't usually ask me on dates. They usually just…"

"Fuck you and fuck off?" Phil shrugged, and Dan nodded before he could chicken out. "Well, I'd like to get to know you. We've had a long conversation about life's purposes, I should at least know what your favourite band is. I mean, only if you want to, of course." He suddenly became nervous again.

"No, I want to. I really want to." Phil couldn't keep the smile off his face. "_Curiouser and curiouser. _Hey, if we're spending the day together, will you do me a favour?"

"What do you need?"

Phil winked. "Keep the shirt on?"

"Hmm," Dan smirked, and put his hand on Phil's chest. "Maybe I will, but it'll cost you."

"Tease," Phil stuck his tongue out at him, then kissed him, running his fingers up Dan's spine and making him shiver. "But you know what? It'd be wonderful to have my world changed by you."

Dan smiled. Of everything he could have asked for, those few words were priceless.

**Thank you for reading xxx For the rest of my work, please go to my tumblr (also called uhnonniemiss)**

**So I just wrote this and this is crazy but I love your thoughts so review maybe? :)**


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